(Gananoque) – From bargaining with kids at bed time to threatening to take away their privileges, Ronald Morrish has seen parents try all sorts of tactics in their efforts to discipline their children.  

But in his 38 years as an educator, behaviour specialist, international speaker and author of Secrets of Discipline, With All Due Respect and Flip Tips, Morrish has discovered one tried and true way to discipline kids and teens properly – plan for their success instead of planning for their failure.

“Discipline means you’re in training to do things right,” Morrish told parents and community members January 12 during his presentation Secrets of Effective Discipline at Linklater Public School. “But 90 per cent of people believe it’s what happens when you do something wrong.”

Morrish, a parent of four children in their late teens and early twenties said he believes basic discipline – a way of teaching character values at an early age – has fallen to the wayside.

“Chores used to be a tool of teaching values from the heart, a concept called ‘pitching in,’” he said. “Helping out from the heart is one of the highest levels of moral and character development in human beings.”

But, Morrish said many parents today have a tendency to use behavior modification techniques to get their kids to cooperate – they bribe them with rewards or threaten them with consequences.

“Consequences should be used to support discipline not to replace it,” he said.

Instead, Morrish suggested parents take on the responsibility of teaching and training their children to succeed instead of planning for their mistakes from the get-go. He described the importance of introducing parental authority and character values, such as courtesy and respect during what he calls the “foundation years” – the years some may also refer to as the “terrible twos.” During this 18-30 month time period children realize their parents no longer serve their every need and require proper guidance on how to behave, Morrish said.

However, he assured parents who were much past the early stage that kids of all ages can be disciplined if done properly and consistently. He offered a variety of common-sense strategies, many based on the science behind the brain functionality of children and adolescents:

·         When dealing with temper tantrums don’t budge or give in at any time. “If you cave in one out of every 20 times, that’s enough to keep temper tantrums going on forever,” said Morrish. “Temper tantrums stop when they never work. Period.”

·         If you’re planning a long car ride or a lengthy phone call, prepare a toy box specific to the activity so kids actually look forward to these events instead of acting up when they occur.

·         If you’re going to offer rewards for a job well done, offer them from the heart. Instead of giving your child money for getting a good grade in school, spend that money on going out for dinner as a family to celebrate.

·         When speaking to a child about an important issue, speak directly to them with eye contact. When speaking with an adolescent about an important issue, try going for a walk or drive where eye contact isn’t constant.

·         Implementing time-outs or punishments is beneficial when they are used as a training tool. Tell children they will be punished for as long as necessary until they learn how to behave appropriately. Punishing children for specific time periods (i.e. two weeks) has no benefit if they don’t learn or acknowledge proper behavior.

“It takes time and real commitment,” Morrish said, adding that the parents who take the time to discipline their kids properly will experience great dividends. “I love what great discipline does for our children.”

Linklater Public School parent council co-chair Kimberly Brons said Morrish was invited to the school by parent council because discipline is a popular topic amongst parents. She added that Linklater Principal Harold Hess has used specific advice from the book With All Due Respect within the school since the Upper Canada District School Board has a strong focus on character education.

“Who can’t use help with discipline?” Brons said. “You could see the whole group recognizing things Ronald was saying.”

Teresa Lucas, a parent of a 12-year-old girl and a four-year-old boy who are both students at Sweet’s Corners Elementary School, couldn’t say enough about the value of Morrish’s presentation.

“I thought it was wonderful,” she said. “He focused on a lot of the challenges we’re focusing on. It was very good to see the reality of what we live is the reality of what’s happening to others.

 “I took three pages of notes,” she added. “It was definitely worth our while coming in.”

- 30 -

For more information please call:

Harold Hess

Principal

Linklater Public School

613-382-3689

Posted January 17, 2009